Re: Depression & current events
Thanks Dee. You made me think of something I hadn't thought of until now. My husband went thru some depression several years ago over job related issues. He is a firefighter/paramedic and he had seen 4 children die over a couple of months and, coupled with my pregnancy with our second daughter and dealing with childhood issues of abuse and neglect, he decided to see someone. It helped alot. He has been extremely busy lately taking on extra responsibilities with the fire dept., coaching soccer, and heading up a "brotherhood gift" from the Garland Fire Dept. to the New York Firemen. He told me this week he is not feeling well and feels a little like he did when he went thru the depression. He is worried. I never thought about the events of last month being a factor. He is a firefighter forever and always and I know that so many of them dying has caused him alot of grief and made him face the dangers of his job and relive the times he almost didn't make it out. I'll talk to him tonight.Kelly in Dallas
Re: Depression & current events
Thanks, Dee, for sharing your knowledge. I know it will help many of us in times of need.June in Toronto
Re: Depression & current events
Thanks Dee. So why do I have the most difficulty with suspending self-judgement?
As we pointed out recently, also, sometimes we go through the grieving process more than once. With my recent problems with having to stop a medication that was helping with my BEB, I went through the ole BEB grieving process all over again. It has happened several times.
This disorder has so many ups and downs, that I think one needs to know that the lows don't last forever. I think that the current events have had a major impact on our lives as they have effected us all in some way or another. Either directly or indirectly. And in some ways, I think, having a disability of any kind leaves us a little more fearful about our lives maybe changing and 'how will we handle a possibly new and more difficult situation'? Thanks Dee. Shirley in AR. where it is cloudy and cool today
Re: Depression & current events
thanks Dee for your professional advice. here are a few of the things that have helped me. MUSIC. there was a time when i always had to have it on almost all the time. it helps prevent nightmares. and anything physical, like exercise, dancing. A BALANCE IN THE NEWS. there was a time when i never watched any news, anything political, anything sad. i now do these things but there has to be a balance. phil is much more of a t.v. watcher than i am and we have watched many interesting, discussion and argument provoking things that have caused major debates we us. but it was he who finally discovered that after watching the news every morning and both of us were getting depressed(well, after that i think i'll just go back to bed until something else bad happens..), we watch regis and kelly or at least part of it. it is a much more uplifting way to start the day and puts things in a certain perspective. this is the first time i have ever watched daytime t.v in my life. after that i turn it off, sometimes requiring complete silence and doing the things i know need to be done for the day.KNOW WHEN YOU NEED TO REST. mental fatigue is much more exhausting than physical fatigue. it is hard to do nothing and relax for some of us, but when you are disabled with a chronic illness, every day you wake up and plan to do certain things that end up taking 4 times longer at least and altho it is frustrating, listen to your body and do things a little at a time and you will feel better. DO LARGE MOTOR MOVEMENTS. sometimes the only things i can do are laundry, etc. stuff that does not require a lot of brain power(altho in it's own way it does, organization, etc.) and it clears the brain of troubling things and you feel better when your surroundings are not a mess. hope this helps a little.
--modified by kathy at Fri, Oct 05, 2001, 10:56:39
Re: Depression & current events
Kathy,
I also think watching or listening to Regis and Kelly in the mornings is a great way to get the morning going. I can't help but laugh with them.
About the laundry thing-now I understand why I "like" to do it. I'm glad that I do as both sons will be home this weekend with their laundry. Shirley in AR. waiting impatiently for the laundry to arrive but wondering if it is a sign of regression that #1 son did his own laundry for two years and now is bringing it home for me to do. :-) Maybe if I were a little smarter, I could figure this out on my own but then I might not like to do laundry. :-) LOL
Re: Depression & current events
No, Shirley ... James is not regressing. Whether he realizes it or not, he is trying to make you realize that you are still needed and loved, even though you are theoretically in an "empty nest" now. You might not think so, but that is kind of a traumatic time of life, even though your boys are in colleges near by, the family/home structure has changed and will never be what it was before they both began college.So just quietly be thankful for the compassion being shown to you through dirty socks! (James would probably say I'm nuts, but so what.) Sally in North Idaho where the days are beautiful, but cool, and nights are right near freezing.
Re: Depression & current events/sally
are your eyes improving during this cooler weather sally? or should i say is your beb better? i am so glad summer is over.
Re: Depression & current events/sally
I wish I could say the BEB is better, Kathy ... I had expected it to be, and I suppose it is somewhat, but the days have been so very bright that it's downright painful to be out at all. Today is getting really overcast and looks like a dust storm coming in. That will be worse. It's about time for Botox again and I don't know if I'm looking forward to it or not this session. Maybe I have too high hopes for it, because I've been disappointed the last two times. Oh well, could be worse.Sally in North Idaho who is also grateful to have summer end; at least the sweat (perspiration or glow!!) doesn't run down into my poor eyes and sting them!!
Re: Depression & current events/sally
I think my eyes are usually better in Oct., but I really can't say there is a whole lot of difference from one month to another, sunny or cloudy....I have good days and bad days no matter what the weather. I do not like winter as well as all the other seasons, it makes my FMS worse and I hate being confined indoors. To each his/her own.
Re: Depression & current events/delaine
is the celebrex helping you at all with the pain of this? are you noticing any side effects?
Re: Depression & current events/delaine
The Celebrex is certainly helping my Fibromyalgia. I'm less sore after hard work outside and I'm sleeping better. I can't tell that it has helped BEB, but it wasn't ordered for that....the Klonopin certainly does help the BEB. I am getting over my black eye from the Botox last week and my eyes were good enough to drive for 30 minutes yesterday morning, but I had to have my daughter come and drive my van home by the evening. So it is very related to stress and fatigue as to how well I'm doing. I had kept my 4 year old granddaughter for 2 nights while my daughter worked nights and I was very tired by noon yesterday.
Re: Depression & current events/delaine
yes, it certainly does help sore muscles. shanasy and i have been pursuing this magnesium thing and a defiency of this mineral can also cause sore muscles. you being interested in this holistic health angle will be interested in the info she found on this.
Re: Depression & current events/delaine
The Spiru-tein I take has magnesium and my Calium does too. I've taken large doses on several occasions for the FMS. I may not have been taking the right kind. I am waiting to see how Shanasy responds before I try what she is taking.
Re: Depression & current events
Sally,
James liked your theory. He did ask for some additional underwear so he wouldn't have to come home quite so often, though. Scott just suggested that he turn them inside out and wear them again. :-) Now, Kathy will probably need a visual. Shirley in AR. who hated to send her sons off today with the world in such turmoil.
Re: Depression & current events/shirley
i am laughing at scott's suggestion! maybe james could be son of the hanes guy. the hanes guy, you just never know where he'll turn up.i share your feelings on sending them back in such uncertainity. i get very upset when i don't hear from my children on a regular basis.
Re: Laundry suggestions
Morning Kathy. You're up bright and early. I couldn't sleep, myself. Kept wondering what the rest of the world was doing so just gave it up and got up.I don't think that #2 son, Scott was trying to do his older (but not bigger) brother any favors. His suggestion was better than James's roommate's suggestion. He just told James that if he didn't bother to shower daily that he wouldn't be so quick to notice that his underwear needed to even be changed. Boy, does my family ever have some weird discussions. The underwear rotation method was also discussed. They always seem to come up with something for me to be proud of. :-) LOL Shirley in AR. who told her sons to check in every 30 minutes or at least on a daily basis via ICQ or email. They chose the latter.
Re: Laundry suggestions
okay i'm really laughing now, quietly tho, as my entire system is upset over yesterday's events even tho i think it is the right thing to do. i couldn't sleep very well last night either and i certainly don't want to turn on the news yet. kind of like laughing and crying internally at the same time.
Re: Laundry suggestions/Shirley
Doing laundry is doing something positive & that makes one feel better. I mess with indoor plants a lot & keep looking for something constructive. Am knitting a little afghan for a doll bed for a Christmas gift for my 4 yr. old granddaughter. Baked cookies this afternoon as the jar was empty.
Shirley, where do your boys go to school?
Joann in Ft Smith
Re:college, monitors and cookies, etc.
Hi Joann. Both my sons go to in state colleges. My oldest son is in his Junior year at University of AR at Fayetteville and rooms with a young man from your home town of Ft.Smith. My younger son is in his first year of college at the University of AR at Little Rock.
They are both majoring in computer related fields.I spent my afternoon with hubby looking for a new computer monitor. Mine is dying. Didn't really notice it until one of my sons wanted to know why I kept editing my pictures and making them so light. Seems my monitor is making everything look too dark so I was modifying pictures to compensate for it. We tried adjusting it but it is maxed out and is quite dark. Good on the eyes but not good for photo editing pictures.
I've got a 19 inch monitor now and would like to get a 21 inch but they are quite expensive. Shirley in AR wondering if I could make a quick trip to Ft. Smith for some fresh baked cookies. They smell wonderfully delicious.
Re: Re:college, monitors and cookies, etc./snacks
i used to send my kids ziploc bags full of chex cereal snack mix. you can doctor it up with nuts, dried fruit, honeycomb cereal, m' & m's , etc., anything you would like them to eat. it's lightweight to send and does not need refrigeration.
(just vicariously fulfilling my own empthy nest syndrome which was way too premature in my case)
Re: Laundry suggestions/Shirley
Joann, I think that if she has her way Shirley will be home-schooling those college sons.Just teasing, Shirley. I do understand your fears and the ache of "letting them go." My grand-daughter told me yesterday that she loved the fridge we bought for her room, but she is all out of "sick soup" to keep in it and the cookies are long gone. Guess I'd better get ambitious too. The last box I sent to her took me nearly two weeks to complete through various stages of physcially being able to manage the steps. Sally in North Idaho where we had a little bit of rain last night and this morning. Nothing substantial.
Re: Laundry suggestions/Shirley
Sally, I couldn't have home schooled James past third grade. And Scott would have driven me totally bonkers. I know that you are just teasing but I do have a brother and sister-in-law who have home schooled all 5 of their boys. It's not for me. My guys have gone so far over my head that it makes me dizzy. I had to teach them real early to not make the mommy feel stupid. I taught them well and when they slip up, I cleverly make up a dumb blond joke or something to that effect. I am wise in other ways, and they can appreciate that.You better start laying out the ingredients for the soup and cookies or at least making a list so you can check to see if you have what you need. Maybe it won't take a full two weeks this time. She will appreciate them more if she has to wait on them, anyway. You know, you can purchase some of that cookie dough in the grocery frozen section and just plop them in the oven. I mean, just for emergencies, you know. I've even cheated and done that on occasion. Shhh-we won't tell anyone. Shirley in AR. thinking we maybe should all go to Joann's for cookies. That would give her a worthwhile project.
Re: Laundry suggestions
shirley, you don't have weird discussions, teen agers are weird! and some of the things they want to talk about make you feel weird. just don't tell them that. i mean just think about how much you know about life and stuff and their struggles to grow up and how much they don't know yet.
Re: Laundry suggestions
Yes, teenagers are weird but this mamma is also weird. Goodness, I bring up 1/2 the weird stuff that we talk about. They just tell me that I am inappropriate and we go on and discuss it. I do indeed remember all the struggles of growing up.
Sometimes I harp at them too much about things but when I see the glazed over look I just tell them that it is a "mommy thing" and to get over it and be nice and just pacify me. That seems to appease them.
Re: Laundry suggestions
one half the "weird stuff" we talk about on this board is usually pretty interesting. anyway i can already visualize these underwear discussions and where they are going. they're probably pretty funny.
Re: uncertain conditions
It made me think twice about leaving Neil in Waco (Baylor) when his girlfriend commented to us that the disaster relief personnel in Waco were not being allowed to leave to go to NY because they might be needed at home. Bush's plane lands in Waco when he goes to his ranch (which I'm guessing won't happen any time soon) and Waco (or Crawford) is considered one of those "symbolic" targets.Virginia in AL - who has turned over son's laundry to his girlfriend.
Re: uncertain conditions
very clever. good training for her!
Re: uncertain conditions
She's also good at those large motor activities. I've never seen his apartment so clean. I'll have to admit I never did that for a boyfriend. I hardly even do it for myself.
Re: uncertain conditions
as i said , it's for sure noone else is going to do it but me. well, he does help about once evry 2 months.
Re: Laundry suggestions
1. Not necessary to stop the daily showers ... one simply showers with the underwear on!! Accomplish two projects with one spray of water.2. Every 30 minutes, Shirley????? When are these kids supposed to go to class and get educated and prepared to go out into the world and support their stumbling, bumbling mother?? And my kids think I'm a protective mother!! Sally in North Idaho who spent five hours in urgent care and now have more pain than before. But at least I am home in my own chair.
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers
Sally, I refuse to tell him #1. Unless? Should he then spin dry? Or wring em out and wear em wet? Maybe I will tell him. :-)And like I really want to hear from my sons every 30 minutes. This is just a devious trick to get them to roll their eyes and then they willingly do what I really wanted them to do. And that is to just be aware that I love them and worry about them and then they feel guilty and check in every day or so. Mission accomplished and it was their decision. :-) Did you have to go to urgent care for your leg? Were they able to tell you anything? I'm glad your home, now but sorry that you are in such pain. :-( Shirley in AR. who hopes Sally gets to feeling better real soon.
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers
#1 should go streaking through the dorm hallways ... the breeze he creates will dry both his skin and the undies.Sally in North Idaho who has lazy answers for everything domestic. Just call me Heloise.
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers
Sally, This might work. It is a coed dorm. Long hallways. Good exercise. Opportunities to meet curious chicks. He'll probably want to dry his hair before he does this so that he will look his best.
And it shouldn't take too long to dry silk boxers. Oops, now we have given Kathy a visual.
I will send your suggestions to James. You might want to let your granddaughter in on the quick and easy laundry techniques. James might switch colleges.Thanks Sally Heloise. Shirley in AR.
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers
"Let my grand-daughter in on the quick and easy laundry techniques" ... who do you think told me about them!! She, who threw away all her socks and underwear before returning home from a People to People tour in Europe, in order to make more room for souveniers! Oh well, gave us a reason to go shopping when she got home! I wonder what our kids would think about being "exposed" so publicly?Sally in North Idaho
Re: They know
Sally, I just emailed James earlier this evening (should have waited for this post) and told him to check out the Laundry technique thread, as we were discussing his underwear-I thought he should know. I just got an email back from him and all it said was "Dear God....".Shirley in AR. possibly disowned by her son
Re: They know/I'm rolling in the aisles
Dear Shirley,I haven't laughed so hard in a long time. Good thing I just had a pain pill!! I think your sons have a sense of humor, and so does Angie, so ....... maybe we're okay. I'd better get stirring on those cookies! Sally
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers/shirley
maybe he could wear his silk boxers and a cravat on the 31rst." son of the hanes man does halloween."
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers
Has anyone suggested strong,cheap , old perfume from the dollar store? Works for me. AnnD.
Re: Laundry techniques and devious mothers
Gives me a migraine - I'd rather smell sweat.
Re: Laundry suggestions/sally and back problem
sally, i recently had a pulled muscle or whatever. besides the pain killer, a heating pad and one of those deep muscle gels ,(like flex-all or bengue) work pretty well. Just DON'T use the heating pad and these gels or creams at the same time.
Re: Laundry suggestions/sally and back problem
Thanks, Kathy. I find some relief from heating pad and have used Ben Gay, but not with heating pad ... so I won't. Diagnosis now is an acute sciatia attack with a chronic sciatic nerve problem caused by four deteriorated disks and considerable arthritis in my back. I am on pain pills until I see my PCP next Tuesday. The pain pills take the edge off the pain so I can function a bit without nauseating pain that had me constantly in tears. I can only stand for a very few minutes, but can manage to do a few things while sitting; and I have been able to stay in bed for most of the night the past two nights. Almost makes me forget about my blephro problems!! Almost.Sally in North Idaho where it's a pretty day today after a tiny bit of rain yesterday.
Re: Laundry suggestions/sally and back problem
right, almost! that is really bad about your back nerve. i hope you get it solved soon. mine also hurt severely but eventually went away. i also could find no position that was comfortable while i had the pain.
Re: bad backs
Sorry about your back. I can sort of relate. I've been through some of what you are going through. At least I could get comfortable sitting, so I never took pain pills. I finally had a herniated disk repaired surgically in 1996. At least that was pre-BEB for me. I'm pretty tough when it comes to tolerating pain, but that was bad and I put up with it for 3 months before surgery. At that point I would have agreed to almost anything to get rid of the pain. Since then, my back has hurt less than it did for the past 30 years.Virginia in AL, hoping you get some help next week.
Re: Laundry suggestions
Have they tried showering with their underwear on. Kill 2 birds with one stone. Save on water, soap and time. Learned that as an ex- dorm liver. Something you would never learn from Martha Stewert who I think wants to put women back in the dark ages. Trying to tell us that cleaning and cooking is fun.
Am I doing it right Shirley? Let me know when I've got it. Ann D.
Re: Laundry suggestions
Soap? I keep telling them to use soap. They just want to rinse off (for a very long time, I might add) so time apparently is not an issue. I never knew that rinsing could take soooo long. I think they figure that the shampoo that trickles down ought to take care of it.
Martha Stewart could learn a lot from us. We could bring her up to speed, don't you think? That woman is way too busy. And she probably does her own grooming of all those chows and kitties that she has. :-)You're doing great Ann. I think I'll have my husband pick up a pizza for supper. Something non-healthy and in a box. I'll use real napkins. Ann, come on over for supper. There'll be plenty and we'll have frozen store bought chocolate silk pie for dessert with a tall Dr.Pepper. Shirley in AR. where hubby and I did haircuts today and I may just get him to do a frost job tonight. The parrot even got his wings trimmed.
Re: Laundry suggestions
Who needs underwear anyway? Albert Einstein didn't wear socks and who knows what else he didn't wear? He didn't do so bad. Who started this whole underwear thing anyway? Some garment maker with left over material. Let's go on a ban underwear thing. Actually, I think the teen agers beat us to it. And have you ever seen a 2 or 3 year old run though the house naked , free, free, free,. They are in absolute bliss. I think we are missing something. Ann Doyle. P.S. We could always put on transparent plastic rain coats if someone rang the bell.
I do suggest clothes for work and going outside but you still don't have to wear the dreaded underwear. Just the outerwear. Ann D.
Re: Still on underwear
Ann, I was going to say that Kathy started the underwear thing but you were going back further than that. So we can't blame her.Actually, I've already gone through my "no underwear" phase in the 70's and I don't think that I really want to return to that. Possibly some underwear, I could do without. Shirley in AR who stopped in at Victoria's Secret today and they do not carry sleep masks. Can you believe that? The saleslady said that they occasionally get a few in but don't generally stock them.
Re: Still on underwear/Let's don't ban it
I don't want to give up underwear. Let's just be grateful that we no longer have corsets, drawers, and umpteen petticoats (all requiring starching and ironing). When I was school secretary, a kindergarten teacher once brought in a little girl who had been sent to school wearing ONLY a skimpy little too-short dress and shoes with no socks. No coat, either. And it was winter. Being expected to solve all problems, I did phone a couple of friends and we got the poor little thing outfitted for the day. Sally in North Idaho who enjoyed the challenges of being school secretary, but probably wouldn't be up to it now.
Re: Laundry suggestions
Hey, even Barbie gets molded on underwear now! Remember when she didn't wear any underwear? And I think Ken has that same "plastic" look! Of course why does he even need underwear? He has nothing to hide!!!!Dee in OR who is feeling her oats tonight!
Re: Laundry suggestions
They must be quick cooking oats, 'cause you're fast on response!!How are "the girls" tonight? Sally
Re: Depression & current events
maybe he's too busy studying computers and girls. actually going to college can be a tremendously unnerving experience even if you are close to home. maybe he needs this extra little security. oh, wait, is this the son who has been there already for a year or so. perhaps there is a little sibling rivalry demanding equal attention. or maybe he's so busy there he can't do it, or the laundry facilities are too crowded. maybe you should ask him about this.
the celebrex... finally the weather was cooler and perfect and i was feeling too overmedicated , so i stopped taking it for 4 days. the first were spent gradually feeling it leave my system and i "enjoyed" or rather experienced the odd sensation of my eyes being perfect without it, and my energy much increased. then wham! the weather changed overnight to very rainy and humid and i am now building it up in my system again. talk about extreme situations! and i actually went an entire day wearing my clear glasses during this time. oh well, i'm glad i have it .
Re: Depression & current events
Shirley,Just a thought ... is the girlfriend also coming home from her college on these same week-ends???? That could be your answer! Myself, I like to begin the day with Martha Stewart. She soothes me and calms my nerves with all her perfection and the lovely gardens, etc., that she takes me to. I don't want to be all hepped up and hyper like Regis and Kelly as I am not a morning person. Sally in North Idaho, who has her wee bit of energy surge in the afternoon. I have to rest in the morning getting ready for it, then I'm ready to rest in the evening! Just call me lazy.
Re: Depression & current events/ sally
hell no, sally. energy surges are real and are also affected by medications. i'm a morning person, sometimes have a surge of energy in the afternoons, but nightime feels like a toy whose battery wore down. i also really like martha stewart. she is so creative and talented. we just have to overlook the perfectionist part. being a perfectionist is very hard on the person who is one, believe me.
--modified by kathy at Mon, Oct 08, 2001, 05:23:49
Re: Depression & current events
Shirley - I am happy to say that all five of our kids went to college, got a job, got married, and #14 grandchild is on the way. But in between times, they kept coming back to the nest. My husband always said that they were all on bungee cords ! But I read a quote a long time ago from George Bush I , before he was president, that the thing he was proudest of in his whole life was the fact that his kids still liked to come home. Says it all for me. (and I just got worn out today by a 7, 4, and 2 yr. old. I LUV 'em but I'm glad they went home! Mary
Re: Depression & current events
Kathy,You made some good points here. Thanks for adding on. When all else fails, DO THE LAUNDRY! Dee in OR
Re: Depression & current events/dee
thanks. i surely know noone else is going to do it.
Re: Depression & current events
Thank you so much, Dee. You have always been a great help to me.
I've gone through a number of ups and downs since the WTC horror. I manage to get myself out of it, then wham! the news becomes more aggressive and back I land on my pounding heart. So I'm like see-sawing, with more good days lately in this area than not.
At my down times, I think of where would I go if the emergency test signal is sounded for real on the radio. (I heard it the other day again). My vision is getting so bad, I may not know which way to walk nor where to go or what to do. So this leads me to fears of my husband not being here if something tragic happens again. I definitely don't want to be alone. I hear a plane fly overhead, and butterflies (big ones) jump inside me. It's harder to fall asleep. Then I tried this: As I lie in bed trying to fall asleep, I keep telling myself 'this is not the time to be thinking; it's time to sleep; I'm sure God can handle the world if I sleep." It has helped me. I put music on, as was suggested in some of the responses. I put my talking books on. I clean, not that I can see anymore if it's clean. I take time to thank God for what He HAS given me, like a wonderful husband who says nothing as he cleans what I thought I did. I decided to use everything I want to that I have sitting somewhere. I bought the fry pan I really wanted cause I was tired of the warped one. I keep my journal and even started a page called 'Benefits of Being Blind', of which so far I have nine (humorous) things listed. Maybe I'll share them with you sometime. I try to live each day as if I really believe God will watch over all of us. It IS hard when one is scared.graceanne in port orchard who really appreciates and loves you
Re: Depression & current events/graceanne
i enjoyed your thoughts. when you are ready, i, for one , would like to hear your humorous list. maybe we could add to it.
Re: Depression & current events
This is not an origialAs for what to do with Osama bin Laden. Killing him will only create a martyr. Holding him prisoner will inspire his comrades to take hostage to demand his release. Therefore, I suggest we do neither. Let the Special Forces , Seals or whtever covertly capture him, fly him to an undisclosed hospitl and have surgeons quickly perform a complete sex change operation. Then we return "her" to Afghaninstan to live as a woman under the Taliban. Ann Doyle
Re: Depression & current events
oh my gosh.! that would be poetic justice, indeed.
Re: Depression & current events
Re: Depression & current events
Anne,
What a wonderful idea but may I add let's also get the whole Taliban
regime to join him.
Priscilla
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