Re: Birth Mother/Claire
I think you did the right thing, your lifelong wondering is now not a torment and look how lovely she is. You should out of consideration for her feelings go very slow.Give her some time and be discreet if you need to contact her, remember she has a husband who knows nothing about this. perhaps you could say , if it comes up, that you are the daughter of an old friend of hers that had died and you promised to look her up as they were very close. This might also eventually give you some insight into your beb. and she might even want to help you there if you need it, who knows?
Re: Birth Mother
Hi Claire, I would not recommend anything but honesty and perhaps some time here. We adopted our daughter when she was a baby. After the birth of her daughter she went into a terrible depression that wouldn't go away. We decided to have her look up her birth mother. We thought the depression might be hereditary, and it was. This was about eight years ago. The birth mother lives not far away. Now our daughter knows "who she is" and it's helped her a lot. This decision was not easy for us, but best for our daughter. Now she has two families, and we are friends with them also. I'm glad we didn't wait, as the grandmother died not long ago...a very nice person. We will always be the parents and questions have been answered for many people. I wish you the best in whatever you decide to do.
Evelyn, near Seattle.
--modified by Evelyn at Fri, May 03, 2002, 22:49:42
Re: Birth Mother
Our daughter has a close friend (I will call her "Ann", short for "another"!) who had a really strange experience along these lines. Ann knew she was adopted, and as she approached adulthood she made some attempts to find her birth mother, with no success. After graduating from HS, Ann found a job in another community and moved into an apartment unit there. A few days after moving in, she met the couple who lived directly above her, and was invited for coffee. During their conversation, the woman asked more and more personal questions about Ann, finally asking if she was adopted. Everybody was astonished to learn that the woman was Ann's birth mother, and living in the same building! The woman had recognized Ann because it was like looking at a mirror - their resemblance is striking. So Ann also discovered two siblings she had known nothing about, and now both families have grown.This situation turned out well, but I have heard of numerous cases where it did not, where the birth mother wanted nothing to do with the child and the memory, and only wished to keep her secrets secure. Those can be quite painful for everyone concerned. The connection between generations is extremely thin in the case of BEB. I have heard of only one family where there are multiple cases. So tracking down birth parents for the sake of tracing the origins of BEB seems really fruitless. My advice: Don't go there. --- Lynn
Re: Birth Mother
Thanks for your replies you wonderful people. This morning I received a phone call from my birth mother saying that she was very sorry but there could be no contact for the time being as she could not tell her husband..he has a serious heart condition at the moment. She was lovely and said that she would have loved to have met and give me a big hug but maybe when the time is rigthin the future..
I will leave it there...it was good to know that she went on to have a happy life and that she is a lovely personLove to you all, you are all so lovely too. For the first time for a long time I no longer feel alone with my stupid eyes! Claire and three cuddly kittens,(6 weeks) and three beautiful adult cats!
Re: Birth Mother
Claire,
I'm glad your birth mother contacted you. Maybe what she told you will give you some "closure" on your anxieties about the situation. If your adoptive mother is still living, concentrate on showing her your love. We adoptive parents need to feel that we are appreciated and loved as well:)
Evelyn
|